Relight
by potahtos
Summary: A flame that's losing its light, you wrap yourself around me to cover me from the soft lullabies of the wind. Yet, why do you do so? Tell me, why do you only come back now? [Len/Rin] (Warning: Possible character death, swear words and sensitive topics)


**Oh wow, um new story! Sorry guys, just couldn't help it haha… I mean I'm stuck on how to finish LFO so I figured I needed a rest so yeah…**

 **This was originally a one-shot, but I decided to cut it in half since it was kinda too long. It's also written during the toughest time I faced yet when I was stuck in the dark having random mental breakdowns which is why I haven't been able to update LFO but have been drawing more often I guess. I've been a wreck but thankfully I found help so yeah.**

 _ **Warning: Angsty stuff, bullying, mentions of suicidal themes, swear words, etc. Sensitive stuff, really...**_

* * *

 **Relight**

 **1**

 _A flame glows brighter in the dark, courageous and fierce.  
_ _But a flame can lose its light when the wind blows too hard no matter how strong it is,_

 _How then should the light ever return again?_

* * *

Len sighed as he groggily opened his eyes, the bright sunlight refusing to let him close his eyes in peace. Why couldn't it just leave him alone already. After all, he's already had his fun on the weekend - if you could call being alone in the house for the whole time 'fun'. But then again, Len was used to it since he was alone 24/7.

"Mm, let me have five more minutes, stupid sun." He grumbled, closing his eyes shut tightly as he tried to will the luminous annoyance away. Yet, his attempts were futile for the sun kept nagging at him like a mother while crawling its snakelike body through the curtain, continuously biting him.

The blond furrowed his eyebrows, "Two can play at this game," and then he swiftly grabbed his large yellow blanket and buried his head underneath, covering his vision black and empty. The light wasn't strong enough physically to push through the fluffy solid fortunately. Len exhaled in relief, finally satisfied. Now he can sleep.

His mind started to wander as he slowly slipped into the dream world - or perhaps the 'real' world - with the thought of waking up completely thrown out of the window. Lips parted slightly to breathe in under the warm hug of the soft blanket, he began to lightly snore and lose grasp of his consciousness.

 _'Bananas,'_ he spoke in his mind as images started to appear one after the other. Settled in his dream nest, his body relaxed and he was about to doze off and expect himself to wake up in the afternoon-

"WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

Upon hearing the banging noise, Len's eyes flew open and ultimately revealed the aquatic glittering blue eyes that was resting a few minutes. As if on reflex, he rolled to his left in surprise which - of course - ended up with the poor boy falling into his, thank goodness, blanket that fell along with him (yet it was draped along the side of the bed gracefully) towards the soft carpeted floor. Oh gravity, how you oh so love Len. Still, that didn't stop the pain that struck his body forcefully.

"Ow!" He yelped painfully. Len held his head with desperation in hopes of soothing the pain while rolling around the floor mindlessly.

"TIME TO WAKE UP MY FRIEND! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

Len groaned as he laid there on the floor, contemplating his life and trying to figure out why in the world he hadn't gotten rid of this freakishly infuriating stupid alarm clock.

"WAKE UP! RISE AND SHINE! IT'S SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!"

Grabbing whatever he could (well, really, his slippers that was set neatly next to him were the only things really), he threw the object straight into the direction the pounding sound came from. A crash was heard and he knew he had hit home run.

Peace returned.

Justice had been made.

"Wow, Len." He muttered sarcastically, "Since when did you begin thinking like this?"

Sighing, he decided to just wake the hell up and tidy his bed for the meantime. Propping his hands on the floor, he slowly stood up while picking up his blanket and began to neatly organise his bed. After all, there really was nothing to do with a lot of time like this.

He eyed the fallen alarm clock which had taken a form of a banana digital clock and he sighed in regret to only see it still living in one piece. Finishing with his blanket, Len figured that he can just leave the stupid clock on the floor despite it being his favorite fruit.

The blond then headed for his closet in dread. Dread? Why? Is it because there's some creepy woman living inside, ready to eat him? No. Simply put, his uniform. Yes, he was dreading his school uniform. Mostly because that meant he was going to school, and because it's a Monday that he has to spend another entire week in school.

You may be wondering why he hates going to school? Well, you'll probably know in due time when he first steps into that school.

Taking out his uniform (since he showered last night), he quickly undressed his pajamas and slowly put on his uniform before staring at the life-sized mirror on his closet door. He inspected his clothes - [1] a white collared button-up long sleeved shirt with a blue tie wrapping neatly around his shirt's collar, a beige jumper and a white blazer that also had blue and yellow borders (i.e. The cuffs). The school's insignia was neatly stitched onto the left chest pocket of the blazer. Hardly fitting for his current mood.

He then glared at his baby face that could be mistaken for a girl, scowling in dismay as he wondered why when he was already fourteen. Due to this, he's had so many scarring events from it that even now, he despised even glancing at it though wearing glasses helped (and also made it worse at the same time).

Fixing his tie and dusting his clothes, a sigh escaped his lips again as he thought about school miserably, _'Wonderful... I really can't wait. That is, for my head to be banged against my locker haha.'_

He walked to his bedside table where his yellow hairband laid, grabbing it to tie his golden hair into a small, messy yet neat ponytail as well as reaching for the pair of large black glasses that laid itself next to the once-there-alarm clock.

Satisfied, he went outside of his bedroom to go and make breakfast: the banana deluxe breakfast.

* * *

Honestly, Len couldn't quite get why he's still bothering to go to school. He could care less about perfect attendance or good grades yet here he was, going to school every day and getting the highest ground-breaking grades in all of England. It sucks.

Besides, there's only teachers and grown-ups who'd be so proud of him seeing as he'd no parents really to show it to. Len huffed a bit as he glared at the locker in front of him which towered over him as if mocking Len of all his misfortunes.

As if on cue, Len suddenly fell forward, resulting in him literally head butting the locker door a bit too hard that you could practically hear the locker saying, _'What the hell? That hurts!'_

Or rather, maybe it was Len who mentioned it.

Said boy clutched his head again in agony as he felt a sense of déjà vu. Didn't he just hit his head earlier? Maybe the gods really just love to see him get hurt considering his life situation. His glasses had slightly went out of place, tilting from his right ear and the left temple hanging freely on his left. Hurriedly, he fixed its position seeing as it was that person again.

"Haha, look it's the girly smarty-pants!"

Len turned around abruptly (after rolling his eyes at the stupid insult that even a banana peel could make a better one) and faced the larger boy who had obviously pushed Len's head into the locker.

"C-Calvin." The blond acknowledged.

Brown, challenging eyes seemingly smirked at the smaller boy who only cowered in fear. After all, Len was a smaller stature, and as much as he'd want to fight back, he didn't really want to get expelled for hitting the headmaster's precious son.

"Lunch. Buy me the most expensive at lunch." Calvin spat while Len couldn't help but scrunch his nose at how much it stank so bad.

Maybe he should buy a mint breath spray too?

The blond nodded quickly only to be met with a punch to his stomach. It was a thing that the dominant male liked to do, to hit the weakest with no absolute reason. Doubling over and coughing, he watched as the bigger male laughed with amusement before hissing, "Oh what? You're going to call your parents? Well, too bad."

Blue eyes started to water as Len tried to hold it in. He didn't need to cry now since he was already used to it. Comments about his parents, and of course the bullying. This little scene was only mild compared to all the others that were worse and sent him to the hospital several times. Not good especially if he was living off inheritance and part-time jobs despite being underage.

Besides, it was better than the thoughts that swirled his mind each and every day. Deadly, venomous thoughts.

"You really are a worthless piece of shit, aren't ya'?"

And that was the last sentence Calvin spoke before walking away from the surprisingly calm Len.

"But aren't you more worthless?" The blond muttered while rolling his eyes. Besides, despite his depressing thoughts, Len knew that he was much better than Calvin who only seemed to take pride in his brutal strength rather than his 'stupidity'. And Len was quite proud that amongst his classmates or the whole of the country, he was the most intelligent. Not to mention he's musically gifted…

...Is what he'd like to think.

Yet in reality, Len knew he was certainly more worthless than Calvin. While that jock who was popular was able to walk so confidently, Len could only merely hang his head. There were so many things that he wished for that Calvin had - a loving family, friends, power and that ego.

And most importantly, the will to live on.

Yes, that's right. He didn't find any reason worth to live on for anymore, being inflicted with torturous thoughts instead. It wasn't anything new nor was it life-threatening to him because he had already dealt with this for three whole years of his life and keeping quiet about it.

Ever since he was twelve and when life began to collapse under his nose.

It was subtle at first with only the occasional minor thoughts of failure, but after that 'accident', he never got over it and was instantly brought into the unfamiliar world of solitude and despair. He'd constantly remind himself of his failures while passing off compliments and suicidal thoughts would always creep into his thoughts, the urges getting stronger every time. And it'd always revert back to his life of a loner. But then again, he was always alone from the start, being bullied at the start of nursery as well.

No, actually. He wasn't completely alone. He had a friend, a best friend that he was so close to and looked after him and beat up those who bullied him. Now? Well, guess they might've gotten tired of him.

Len breathed out. He should go before his thoughts shifted to something worse.

He silently walked away from his locker to the direction of his classroom with one thought lingering in his mind,

 _'How should I escape?'_

* * *

Lunch arrived and Len finally decided to ditch Calvin. It doesn't matter if he'd beat Len up the next day or something, but he certainly wasn't about to waste his money.

Quickly packing his bag and ignoring the demeaning stares of his classmates that watched him like a hawk, he excused himself a few minutes before lunch just so that he could escape quietly with no one knowing where he was off headed to.

Most importantly, to avoid Calvin and his wretchedly popular gang.

With the teacher obviously being fond of Len, they of course allowed him to go. Not only that, but he appreciated it because he was allowed to go anywhere he'd wanted and even the places that seemed to be 'out of order' as long as he doesn't cause trouble.

Hastily, he urged his legs on to go faster all the while threatening them that if they don't head faster, Len will seriously consider cutting the pair off – not that he'd really do that. His footsteps echo against the cold hard floor as quiet yet harsh whispers that bounced along the walls surrounded him like the mocking laughter of his 'classmates' every day. Slicing, hacking, dicing, piercing and agonising his mind, Len dismissed his thoughts.

Hopefully, it'd all be gone once he arrives _there_.

Once he had reached his desired destination, he slowly glanced at the plain board that was taped to the door.

' _Caution!_

 _ **Roof Out of Order.**_

 _Do_ _ **NOT**_ _enter unless permitted and granted special permission._

 _No entering, students! And that includes you Mr. Calvin!'_

The blond clicked his tongue. Who cares if it was closed? He'd been going into this roof for nearly most of his high school life so why should he care now?

Pushing onto the door, he tried his best but no avail.

' _Of course. It's been locked.'_ Speculating with misery, he pulled out the master key he was given from the weird purple head teacher who seemed to be _extremely_ fond of him, but Len took it anyway for useful purposes. Mainly opening the locked door in front of him.

When hearing a click as he turned the key, a satisfied smile made its way onto his face as he anticipated the warm sunlight and the picturesque view of the sky. The only place he could certainly feel at ease (though he had to try and resist jumping off the building in frustration but the fences kept him well from doing so).

Hands on the forest green door's metal bars, he pushed on them slightly before entering what he could call his safe haven – the beloved rooftop. The fresh scent of summer air wafted into his nose and he breathed out with his muscles relaxing itself. He eyed the refreshingly tranquil blue sky that mirrored the image of the familiar ocean's reflected colour as opalescent cotton candy swam across the sky. The sun was gladly shedding its light amongst the tiny world that orbited it as its sunlight clasped the earth in a motherly hold – a hold that Len himself had yearned for so long.

A ghostly shadow casted itself across the roof's concrete flooring and he scanned the view from up here. In all of the country, he must say that his school had picked quite an amazing spot to build it in. Additionally, his school was one of the few schools that actually do have a rooftop but he didn't mind because it's what made him stay in this place anyway.

Len's eyes then began to droop and his body started to feel numb.

He was still sleepy from this morning.

"Maybe I should take a nap or something," The blond concluded to himself as he made his way onto a spot that was shaded quite well. Placing his bag on the floor, he sat on the hard concrete with his back facing the bag before slowly lying down, resting his head on the bag so that it'd be comfortable.

He then shuffled to adjust to a more satisfying position, and in the end, opting to take off his glasses and placing them next to his head. All the while, he folded his arms as a sort of pillow on top of the bag and one leg bent as the other fully pushed itself down to the floor – because gravity likes it that way.

The warm air blanketed him and he felt his body slacken.

' _Better than staying in there in that stupid school and being kicked probably,'_ Len contemplated. Soon, darkness wrapped his vision as it led his consciousness to the abyss, with nature's berceuse of the soft wind chiming and birds chirping calmly lulling him to sleep.

A sleep Len wished would forever go on.

The next time Len had woken up, he had found himself snapping his eyes open to the door banging open despite being auto-locked and he felt himself flinch at the sonorous sound, just in time to watch as the roof's entrance fly open.

Not really cautious and viewing the person opening the door to perhaps may be Calvin and all, he only stared at the door to hear panting. Curious, he watched as a figure emerged and he quizzed himself on whether it was a student that was out to get him (presumably ordered by Calvin or something) or a teacher coming to smoke. Welp, it was too late to regret his actions.

The figure instead revealed itself to be a petite and slim build of a female who was visibly shaking and tired as if she had been running. Running from something super-fast and he was confused. Her sun-kissed hair flowing to her small shoulders were frayed about from the mad dash as it glowed under the orange torch of the sun and her back was facing him. Len froze.

Rather, how long had Len been asleep for? Ten to fifteen minutes? He lifted his wrist where a dark black watch wrapped around his wrist tightly, time ticking and showing him that he had only slept for a flabbergasting time of a full 2 hours. What?! And he thought that he was asleep for a short time. _'Wait, the sun is setting, shoot I actually ditched class- '_

Actually, he should be more concerned at the figure right now because his heart started to beat in anomalous patterns and fear coursed through his body. Right now, Len really, really needed to go before maybe the girl turns around and catches him.

' _It can't be.'_ His mind stumbled for words as he urged his legs to move, yet somehow they refused, _'No, no, no!'_

Len remained in position, frozen as his mind was hysterically screaming, hoping that if he stayed as quiet as possible she would turn around, not catch him and leaving without care. He absolutely did not want to spend time with her of all people.

Holding his breath that turned erratic, different kinds of thoughts swirled his mind as his heart raised apprehensively.

And his heart stopped when she turned around, her face also wearing a surprised expression as her mouth parted and her eyes widened, a finger pointing at him accusingly.

Blue guilty eyes met it's mirrored cold reflection.

"…Le- I mean, Kagamine-san." The girl spoke meekly, her voice showing a hint of Japanese dialect and using the honorific, "Um… Hi..." Her eyes darted away from his shocked gaze as she avoided direct eye contact with him.

Len's nervousness immediately melted away and was replaced with distrust and void of emotion instead. There was no feeling or anything but just coldness towards her. He simply acknowledged her greeting by nodding before turning his head towards the sky and draping an arm over his eyes, listening to the silent symphony of the wind while internally begging her to go away like she always did.

The girl suddenly found the floor interesting, "H-how are you?" She fidgeted a bit albeit rather self-consciously only to receive the silent treatment, "Uh… You missed class." When silence was thrown at her again, she decided to further talk more due to her feeling terribly scared at meeting Len, "The teacher was- "

"Leave me alone, R_!" Len sharply shouted while saying her name rather far too cold that she herself flinched. His eyes shut themselves tightly with his eyebrows furrowed together.

Guilt was ridden in his heart, and even more so as he felt the depressed atmosphere coming from the girl. Huffing and deciding to stand up, he grabbed his bag and flimsily put on his glasses before passing her towards the entrance or perhaps the exit this time. Of course, the girl had said nothing or made any attempts to stop him.

' _Shows how much a friend she really is, huh?'_ Len thought before shaking his head, trying to resist the glaring daggers she was sending at his back.

Daring himself, he turned around one last time to look at her who looked at him with sympathetic eyes. His heart churned with fear and nervousness as he remembered what she clearly did to him, one that made him grow such hatred for her.

Len let out an exhale as he knew staying here would only serve no purpose to him so he placed his hands in his pocket while grabbing his master key and a small, hard object that made a crinkling plastic sound. That object was an orange candy.

"Here." He muttered disdainfully while throwing the candy to which she caught on reflex with astonishment, "Stop pitying me and don't come near me again. Bye." He then said curtly while opening the door and welcoming himself in to go home, knowing fully well that he had not imagined the girl's cries of ' _Wait'_ and whatnot.

Once far away, he punched the wall beside him, a pained expression present in his face as he resists the urge to cry.

 _It was her._

The girl that used to stand up for him. The one who used to be his best friend.

 _The best friend who abandoned him._

He shook his head once more. No need to remember _her_ again. She's already left your life, just go and move on.

Len straightened himself, before walking on, the distance between her and him growing larger and larger with every step he took.

And with every step he made, the closer he wished he was dead.

No one would care, and the savage smile of Calvin proved it all.

* * *

" _R_, R_, R_!" An eleven-year-old boy bounded along the corridor as he grinned with excitement, ready to surprise her._

 _He wanted to show her something he'd found and bought just for her with his pocket money. Especially since he wanted to talk to her after such a long time when she seemed to distance herself more. But he did not mind, after all, she would never abandon him! Even if she wasn't there to stop him from all the recent bullying doesn't mean she's left him yet. Whatever he did, he'd hoped that this would be the time when he could apologize for it. There's still a chance!_

 _Clutched in his youthful hands was a beautiful white ribbon that he bought for her after she had lost it at some point – a precious gift of her grandmother – and since he wanted to make her happy, he used his money to buy such an expensive ribbon. He excitedly envisioned the happy look when she receives this all the while probably glomping him and trapping him in a bear hug and shooting grateful comments towards him._

 _Len smiled to himself._

 _She was always so cheerful, positive, kind and, not to mention,_ beautiful _. Even those words were an understatement to describe her. She's the only one who's ever stuck by his side for the whole eleven years of his life so even if he had lost everything, he knows that she'd always be around for him. Well, maybe not always._

 _Besides, she's probably the only reason Len's still bothering to go to school and staying there despite his parents' objections._

" _Eh, seriously?"_

 _Len's ears perked up at the familiar voice and his pace hastened, anticipating her laugh. Turning to a right and into a classroom, he stopped to see her all alone with a bunch of girls. Those girls acted just by his mere presence and they glanced at him in disgust._

" _Ew, it's the girly nerd!" One girl shrieked as she started to fumble on her seat, as if attempting to try and escape from Len._

" _Gah, no, look at those glasses! So ugly!"_

 _The smile disappeared from his lips as he sees her only staring at him, not making a comeback or arguing against them while they laughed. She only sat there without a single care about him. His heart fell. She would usually bite back and would rant to him afterwards about how he should stand up for himself, and how mean the person who's insulting him would be. Len would always smile at her antics._

 _But today was different and he hurriedly stuffed the white ribbon in his pocket quickly just so that they wouldn't take it away as a form of teasing. Nervously he gulped as he clenched his hand, ready to back out the door._

'R_.' _He looked at her desperately, trying to send a mental message or anything of the sort to help or leave with him._

 _Yet she just looked at him blankly. Her eyes weren't shining with the cheerfulness she'd always have when she looked at him anymore and an emotionless veil masked her smile._

" _Oh yeah, R_!" The girl who first spoke piped up, breaking the huge laughter her friends- save for her – were in, "Did you know?" Len's eyes widened, she couldn't have. No way, how did she... Despite all his hopes, the girl indeed had it. And she was waving it in front of her face and opening it._

 _His diary._

 _The diary that he'd lost some time ago and spent all his time trying to find._

 _The diary that contained all his precious memories and most importantly, his feelings._

 _The diary that held the secret of his love for his best friend._

" _The nerd has a huge crush on you." The girl teased while stressing out syllables and looking down again on the page. The girls around her started to go into fits of giggles, and Len could only stare in horror as his best friend's eyes widened with surprise._

"" Dear diary," _" The girl continued as she mockingly read the page where he had declared his love for her,_

"" I never knew that this would happen to me, I never even thought about it.

Her smiles, her laugh, her voice, her eyes and her personality... They were all precious to me. When I see her cry, I'd feel horrible as if I was the one who's hurt and when she gives me her happiest smile, I feel as if I'm on top of the moon.

Just how did I not know that it'd come to this?

She's always been the one to stick by my side, the only one who truly cared for who I am.

The one who I trust.

You, my best friend,

I love you with all my heart and more than anything in this world.""

 _Another streak of laughter was aroused in the room and Lens face turned into a bright shade of red. He was glad that no one else was in this room._

"" I love you with all my heart! _"" One of them repeated mockingly as they continued on, "Talk about cheesy. Oh my god, my stomach hurts!"_

 _Len looked down, trying to avoid the curious watches of her eyes boring through him. A shadow casted across his face and tears threatened to fall._

" _So R_, what's your answer?"_

 _His eyes shot up with foreboding alarm. He wasn't ready for this, he just wasn't. He wasn't ready for her answer just yet._

 _He certainly did not want to know._

 _And he didn't know that his heart could be shattered in just seconds._

 _A cold reply flowed from her lips, "Huh? What?! Hell no, I don't want to go out with someone as lame as him!"_

 _That was the final blow._

 _He gawked at her with disbelief but she remains sitting on the tables with her friends, laughing cruelly as they all agreed on her statement._

" _Well, then." The girl who had possession of the diary declared, "we don't need this dirty thing anymore."_

 _Then she throws it out of the window._

 _She threw the memories he had with her._

 _Feeling something wet slide down his cheeks, he shrunk back and turned, sprinting away from the chuckling howls of ridicule from_ her.

 _At that moment, he knew it. He had known for so long that it was stupid of him to ever think that._

 _She didn't love him. She never cared for him and she wouldn't always be there._

 _No, it was all simply a delusion he created for himself._

 _He had lost her._

 _And soon, he'd lose everything._

 _Len would lose everything that weighed him down to continue living._

* * *

Len stared at the messy display of empty space displayed in front of him and winced once his bruised eye came into contact with the uncomfortable chilly touch of the ice pack.

He remembered the punches and kicks Calvin and his mates inflicted on him after they supposedly waited for his after school for some odd reason.

' _He must be really in love with the expensive lunches in school.'_ He rolled his eyes before yelping in pain when the ice started to burn.

The blond hated this life. He honestly didn't ask for this kind of life but the superior beings seemed to love seeing him get hurt whether it's emotionally or physically.

Closing his eyes shut to soothe the pain while walking to his bedroom, he reminisced on his little 'reunion' with her. He hadn't talked to her for so long now with them only sharing occasional quick answers when bumping into each other and when they deemed it was necessary.

Most cases, they'd just outright ignore one another as if they never had any relationship to begin with.

For a good few years, after she had rejected him in such a cruel way, Len began to gain those dark thoughts that he couldn't wave off simply. In fact, the thoughts stuck.

They were subtle thoughts and nothing new at first, but gradually, it got even worse over the years to the point that he felt numb. He couldn't feel anything anymore and he could care less about that sharp pain every time that dark voice would haunt and resurface his mind.

His parents had noticed the change in his personality first. If anything, they'd describe Len as that sweet, kind, crybaby and loving little boy who highly values another person's feelings over his in the past. And now? Well, he just _doesn't_ care.

Life is just a seemingly innocent thing. It's something that you're told to be grateful for, to treasure and never let go of just because it's a once-in-a-lifetime gift. That's what they always say, to go ' _live your life_ ' and that ' _life is too short_ ' – but no.

Life is essentially a curse disguised as a blessing. It's like a delicious, and beautiful looking plant in appearance when in reality it's actually poisonous once consumed and can kill you in a maliciously slow way - that fruit you end up eating cluelessly but end up killing you bit by but every single day.

It's like a 'friend' who ends up backstabbing you – courtesy of his ex-best friend.

It's like a candle; its bright and lively flame of hope always wavering from a slight movement and could be extinguished almost immediately once a gust of wind comes, the fragile fire never able to withstand it. And even if the fire doesn't disappear, the wax of the candle would start to melt before becoming nothing with the fire essentially being the cause of it – like hope that only ends in disappointment and pain. In other words, the flame was really like a double-edged sword.

He could remember his mother's words,

"Life is a beautiful thing, Len. It may have its ups and downs but it's true beauty is its perfect imperfections. That life can go both ways, but never just one. You are a miracle in itself, and you are _my_ life, a life that's worth loving. Besides, a flame can always come back whenever it disappears, so don't lose hope."

Back at the time, he had believed in the entirety of her words. He was just a naïve child whose innocence was larger than the knowledge he had possessed about the truth of the beautiful thing called 'life'. Now that he was older, Len found it easier to scoff at the words than accept them. After all, if anything, his life was going through one way.

And it's the bad way.

The blond had long given up the act of smiling around people, willing to accept the pain of the judging stares and the ones that would physically damage him. He'd given up, no longer the ability to smile genuinely but only let out a hollow laughter. Even he'd find himself laughing cruelly, with such a cold and sharp tone that's void of emotion and even be surprised.

Len knew. He'd known for a long time that he'd changed. From that sweet boy his parents would like to call him, to this broken puppet doll that's barely clinging on to that tiny paper boat of hope that he knew would drown and collapse anyway from the water.

Honestly, he didn't see the point of living anymore. In fact, Len didn't even know why he was living anyway. There was no reason for him to live – he lost everything and there was nothing left but meaningless numbers and words of his achievement on paper. The only proof he knew he was living was the bullying of Calvin.

" _Work hard in life and you'll achieve anything._ "

A useless statement for Len.

' _Really? What's the point in leaving your name and being remembered if you're not even alive in the world in the end and most likely won't go back as the same person again or ever go back to.'_

His head jerked upwards and his eyes snapped open, the sound of metal clattering against the tiled white floors of his kitchen echoing through the empty room.

' _Kitchen?'_ Len mused before querying himself, ' _I was just going to my bedroom… How?'_

A few seconds passed by as he allowed himself to think over. ' _Must've been so caught in my thoughts and went to the kitchen instead again, huh?'_

Another one of those... 'moments' as he'd like to call it. 'Moments' that meant he would be engrossed in his thoughts too much that his mind and body automatically goes somewhere else. Not the first time this happened and he was used to it.

His eyes then landed on the floor where a knife laid from the previous falling, glistening under the intense light from the ceiling lamp. Despite being distracted, he could still remember what happened somehow, or rather knew what had happened.

He'd tried to stab himself again.

This happened a lot of times when Len would find himself standing in the kitchen in front of a drawer with a knife in hand, ready to plunge it in as painlessly quick as possible. Often, it'd be a failed attempt and Len would always wish that it's happen at some point

The problem is, however hard Len wanted to deny it, there was a tiny hope that allowed him to keep living. He didn't know what it was, but it was just there. To miserably add to that, the blond was scared of pain. That's why he hadn't thought of slitting his wrists – well he _did_ at some point but went against it – since he found there was no point in having scars when you could just get it over and done with.

He was just scared of pain. Len wanted a painless death instead.

Again, he blew a few strands of hair out of the way as he bent down to pick up the knife before placing it back to the drawer. With a soft push and a thud, the drawer closed itself and Len turned around before things could get worse.

He started to make his way back into his bedroom.

The only way to distract Len was to study and listen to music – as it is one of his favorite hobbies as well as indulging himself with bananas. Probably the only reason why he gets good grades anyway was studying for distraction.

He sighed again, the pain throbbing in his bruised eye.

' _Time to study.'_

* * *

The next day wasn't any better.

While Len had gone through the usual routine from his morning to school, the boys were far more hostile this time around especially when it came to him after school.

' _Haven't they had enough with yesterday's bruising?_ ' he asked his consciousness to which he didn't earn an answer to.

Here he was, being used as a punching bag as all the males in front of him dealt blows and took out their anger on him from who knows why. Len could tell they were pretty angry especially since they were doing it in the _corridor_ of all places. He was seriously caught off-guard when they approached him all kindly until the first guy – a guy named something starting with a 'J' – threw the first jab.

A stabbing feeling shot up his nerves from different areas as old wounds reopened and fresh blood appearing as blotches on his pure white shirt he just got to clean.

"Hah, moron!" A boy laughed maniacally, "How does this feel?"

And Len felt a shooting pain on his stomach, abruptly doubling over and collapsing in the ground in pain with his books scattered on the floor.

Yet, no matter how much it'd hurt, he made no sounds.

"Stupid little fucker." Calvin growled as he noticed this, "Can't even make a fucking shitty sound. Do you fucking think you're high and mighty and a goody-two-shoes like that, huh? You pathetic piece of shit."

Len took that as a sign as something bad because Calvin rarely cursed as much. Over the intimidating comments of the bullies, he could hear the sound of footsteps and hushing voices as people started to gather from a careful distance. Whispers filled the air as Len's eyes were completely blank as a dim light barely glowed in his dull blue eyes.

An audience had started to form. Some had their hands to their mouths in pity, some looked at him in disgust and the rest cheered Calvin and his group on while firing insults at the blond.

Something warm trickled down his face as his vision turned red. His bruised eyes were bleeding and he was slowly dying from all the damage yet not a single person cared enough to stop it. As he laid crumpled on the floor, he spots _her_ at the front of the crowd, a look of horrified expression on her face as her eyes flickered with fierce pity, watching him slowly crumble away.

Her hands were clenched and shaking as if wanting to cease the fight yet she held back, shaking her head at the suspicious looks of her friends closely eyeing her.

' _Why… Why do you still care even after you threw me away like that?'_ Len thought as his eyes closed, not wanting to see any more of her actions.

He didn't want to see her push him away again, and see her leave him all alone to fend for himself.

No way was he going to watch her re-enact the way she hurt him.

All of sudden, Len got into a hacking fit as a violent urge to throw up bubbled through his throat. As soon as he opened his mouth, blood came spilling out and he felt his limbs grow tired but not enough for him to be physically unable to recover.

Gargling, the older guys only mocked at him.

Len felt helpless. He wanted to give up already.

Just as they were about to do more, a demanding voice interrupted the whole scene.

"What is the meaning of this?"

Eyes widening and all movement stopping, the headmaster – Calvin's father – stood there with a menacing expression on his face as his eyes met with Calvin's and down to Len's crumpled form. Next to the headmaster was another teacher who had brown hair and eyes, wearing glasses and looking sympathetically at Len.

"S-shit!" A male shouted before attempting to run away but was only stopped by another female teacher whose brown bun swayed along her movements.

Calving could only splutter and stumble over his words in return, "I… I-I…!"

His father narrowed his eyes sternly, "You boys. Office. Now." The bullies gulped before quickly making their way to the head's office under the hawk-like gaze of another teacher. The head then turned to the rest of the students in the audience who couldn't escape either,

"Anyone who watched, you are all in deep trouble, too, so don't go assuming you're free as a bird. The teachers will be writing down your names and you will be punished accordingly as a result of not stopping the bullying. And you, Mr. Kagamine,"

Len only looked up at him tiredly while wiping blood off his mouth, "Please go to the medical room and heal yourself. After that, we can talk or you can go home. I do sincerely apologize for my son's extremely violent actions and will gladly pay for your medical bills if needed or repay you for all his actions up till now."

The blond only laid there, nodding his head stiffly before Calvin's father left the students who started dispersing in silence (and blaming one another, particularly Len). Not a single person had bothered to help him up despite it all.

' _How kind and chivalrous.'_ The wounded boy complimented sarcastically.

Propping on one elbow, Len tried to get himself up by putting all his weight on it but only ended up falling back on his side in pain.

"Ow." He yelped, now able to feel the damage, "Fudge this." He muttered.

Before he knew it, he was being lifted up and he was standing on his feet again. The blond searched behind him for the culprit only to see a teacher with long pink hair – definitely the school nurse – and… her.

His eyes bore into the other blonde, a feeling of despise welling up in his heart. She, sensing the hate, meekly ducked her face as she smiled awkwardly, "A-are… You okay?"

"I'm fine." Len spat not even caring about the nurse being there. He then began to walk away, "I can fix myself. I told you not to come near me."

Before she could say anything, the nurse took hold of Len.

"Sorry, R_," the older woman apologized, "I hope you could maybe, just leave him to me. I'll take him to the office and patch him up. Just give him some space."

Len watched her look at the teacher with desperate eyes, "…okay." She said hesitantly but still eyeing Len, "I-I… I'll go home then, I guess. I hope you get better, Kagamine-san."

And then she left.

Len closed his eyes as memories started to surface in his mind, memories of having fun with her and living in his old world before everything had changed. It was so sudden that it felt like a tsunami had just occurred in his brain that even he couldn't handle it. He was pretty sure that if it weren't for the nurse holding him, he'd have downright collapsed there for no odd reason.

"Now why are you so harsh on her?" She asked.

Len left that question unanswered.

* * *

 _R_._

 _Rin._

 _Rin Shimoda._

 _Don't come back._

* * *

 **Yay! Erm, so well... This is part 1! Because I didn't want it to be too long XDDD**

 **/shot for failed emotional story ahaaa**

 **Also, as you couldn't tell, Rin's name had been voided throughout the story until the end.**

 **Anyways, yep, still working on LFO part 4 because I keep re-writing and I'm stuck...**

* * *

 **[AUTHOR'S NOTES]:**

 **[1] Couldn't uh, be bothered to describe the clothes haha XD**


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